Weekend Update :: Volume 1

Since this is the first round of Weekend Update here on TWNT, not all quotes are from this weekend. These are just a few favorites from the last couple of weeks.

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Nootle (after doing the running man in my kitchen for several minutes)

“No wonder I was so in shape when I was younger, I was always doing the running man.”

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Me (talking about Hot Lee)

“Just hearing his voice makes my vagina stand at attention.”

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Mattel (after smuggling a crown and coke from a bar and then throwing it in her own eyes as she tried to get in my car)

THERE’S COKE IN MY EYES! THERE’S COKE IN MY EYES!”

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Raddy (talking about her husband – who she’s been married to for 23 yrs)

“Last night he was bugging me so bad I almost sprayed hairspray in his eyes. Is that mean?”

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Mattel (after being scared by something – I can’t remember what)

“That scared me so bad it made my butt hurt.”

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Me (referring to the rotting jack-o-lanterns that will apparently remain on my porch until xmas)

“Those are our jesus pumpkins, back off.”

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The lesson? Bars in Cleveland Heights rig their glasses to attack if taken from their homes. Noted.