Horned Potatoes

Well hey dair! I was totally missing you.

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Thanksgiving is in t-minus two days, and since I’m a veggie my focus tends to lean towards the side dishes. And since I’ve set more than one kitchen aflame, I tend to look for side dishes that are easy, tasty, and for the most part hard to leave a house in a charcoaled state of mind.

So in preparation for Thanksgiving I’ve been looking for the BEST MASHED POTATOES EVAAAR recipe.

Listen, I love mashed potatoes. They make me salivate to the point of needing to put on my bright orange floaties, slap some zinc on my nose, and jump in the deep end. They’re just good. This is a fact.

After sifting through thousands of recipes (actually, none) I decided to go with Giada De Laurentiis’s Baked Mashed Potatoes with Parmesan Cheese and Bread Crumbs. Her recipe won not only because I happened to catch an episode of Everyday Italian where she showcased her skills on the potato, but mainly because it consists of two different kinds of cheese - I would eat my dog’s poo if someone sprinkled two kinds of cheese on it. I’m nothing if not refined.

On a side note: My dad once found a bag of potatoes in our pantry that had sprouted horns. He apparently found them right as I was walking in the kitchen, which prompted him to greet me with “WATCH OUT! HORNED POTATOES!” and proceeded to throw a potato at my face (which in all fairness it did have horns, so I basically had it coming).

For months after this I would get in my car and find horned potatoes. Except at this point the horned potatoes had evolved to have toothpick legs and arms. There’s no point to this story except that if you think about it, that’s sorta weird. I mean this went on for mooooonths. You had to admire his dedication.

So anywho - the mashed potatoes. I meant to test my recipe before the big day but that of course didn’t happen. So if you have any cooking tips regarding potatoes or any other ideas on how to ramp up the awesomeness of these already awesome potatoes, feel free to leave me a comment. (ahem).

I’ll go ahead and notify blogspot so they know why their server crashed. I’ll now just sit back and wait for the avalanche of comments.

Here’s to mashed potatoes, horned potatoes, and zinc on my nose.

Happy Thanksgiving you cute little turkeys.

Weekend Update :: Volume 1

Since this is the first round of Weekend Update here on TWNT, not all quotes are from this weekend. These are just a few favorites from the last couple of weeks.

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Nootle (after doing the running man in my kitchen for several minutes)

“No wonder I was so in shape when I was younger, I was always doing the running man.”

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Me (talking about Hot Lee)

“Just hearing his voice makes my vagina stand at attention.”

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Mattel (after smuggling a crown and coke from a bar and then throwing it in her own eyes as she tried to get in my car)

THERE’S COKE IN MY EYES! THERE’S COKE IN MY EYES!”

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Raddy (talking about her husband – who she’s been married to for 23 yrs)

“Last night he was bugging me so bad I almost sprayed hairspray in his eyes. Is that mean?”

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Mattel (after being scared by something – I can’t remember what)

“That scared me so bad it made my butt hurt.”

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Me (referring to the rotting jack-o-lanterns that will apparently remain on my porch until xmas)

“Those are our jesus pumpkins, back off.”

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The lesson? Bars in Cleveland Heights rig their glasses to attack if taken from their homes. Noted.

I've Been Looking For You Guys!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - wait a minute. How long have you guys been here?

Damn, I never get invited to the good parties. Seriously, you could have called. I mean, what the hell guys?

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So, hi! No, no - your eyes do not deceive you. I really am the last person on earth to get a blog. I'm finally here, and I can't wait to see what my trophy looks like.

I know, I know. I'm a little late, but don't think your patience is unappreciated. I'm FULL of appreciation over here. I mean you've been here waiting for what? Like five years? More? In any case, I appreciate the hugs instead of the face-punches after showing up so late. No really. I'm baking cookies for all of you tonight.

I'm super pumped to be part of the blogging community where I can write things down for millions of people (see: five people that are currently being blackmailed by yours truly) to read. It seems like a great use of my already limited time.

Oh the grammatical errors? You're funny. I didn't even spell grammar correctly (thank you spell check) so let's not lose too much time worrying about it, ok? Great.

Did you just hear that? That was the sound of my life grinding to a halt. Good times are ahead of us...just you wait.